I believe that everyone will have that one day where you are just at that breaking point during this pandemic we are in. I had mine last week! I hate thinking about it, talking about, reading about it, yet here we are. Each day goes by and it seems to get worse. I hear this will be the new norm. NO! Why would we want this to be our new norm. I do not like to admit my weakness but let me share a back story. I have never liked anything on my face. I can't tell you why but on very rare occasions have I put on makeup of any kind. I did wear lipstick for my sisters wedding but even then felt so uncomfortable. As I was recalling memories of basic training though, is where I can start to feel the anxiety over something on my face and that was a gas mask. It's not the mask itself but the feeling. Let me take you back to that moment.
I was in a gas chamber with other soldiers and we had to endure the smell of gas going up our nostrils, feeling the sensation of the burn in our chest, our eyes started to burn, snot came running out of our nose, we started to gasp for air, we searched for our your voices but the words didn't come out at first but finally as the drill sergeant was madly yelling for us to speak out our name, or our last 4 of our social, I honestly don't remember exactly what his madness was asking of us because I felt like I was going to pass out, and just then the doors flew open and we ran out, hands popped up over our heads, franticly waving, like we were hoping for something to save us from up above, around a big circle we raced, feeling the sunshine beam down on our faces, the air filled back into our lungs and as we gained our senses we slowed down and once back in formation, our drill sergeant said,"Now, you will learn how to dawn your gas masks in less than 9 seconds because if you don't and your ever in a situation and gas is the culprit, you will die. We just showed you what it will feel like." You can bet I learned how to dawn that mask with each memory of the gas chamber implanted into my brain! As I share this memory with you my heart is racing, as I stated before it's not easy to admit this weakness. I have shared this before with my family and friends and they may have not known when I did tell it, I fought so hard to be strong in the memory and not let my heart race too fast and give in to the anxiety.
You may wonder how then can I wear a helmet when I ride my motorcycle? I have vents in my helmet and it doesn't touch my nose or mouth. Don't get me wrong, in the beginning I felt a small memory pop in my head as I first dawned the helmet but it soon went away as I got on the motorcycle and felt freedom take over! There were times that I put a bandana on over my nose and mouth but I felt constricted and so uncomfortable, with that small wave of anxiety as I struggled a bit to breath, trying not to show my weakness to my husband. It was then that I went for the full face helmet.
So today, as I cringe of putting something over my nose and my mouth, touching my face for a period of time gives me anxiety.So if you see me out in public without a mask, don't judge me. If you feel comfortable in a mask and you feel that will protect you from this virus that they say has no cure then that is your choice, because as of today, it is still our choice. I know this may not be for long. The powers that be want to see how far they can take their orders until it is mandatory and until such time I choose not to have that freedom of choice ripped out from under me. As I said, when you have memories pop up that make you feel weak and get your heart racing so fast you feel like you're having a heart attack, why would you volunteer to concede to something that is not proven without a shadow of a doubt. Why are we so quick to give up the rights of the constitution? Why are we so quick to believe what is on the internet or in the news? As my daughter shared a memory of one of her teachers in high school, he shared something and it was so believable, and the kids took it as truth yet he said it was not the truth and told them to never just accept what you hear as truth immediately, to always do your own research. That was a life lesson and great advice especially now! My son also stated that he doesn't know what it true or a lie anymore and I totally agree with him, so yes, we should do a little bit of our own research instead of just handing over our freedoms in which we may never get back!
Why are we buckling to people we voted in to do a job that is for the people? Do you see in many aspects how this virus has taken over more than death? Why are criminals getting set free? Why are people being thrown in jail for standing up for the constitution? Why can't we go to church, but we can go to Coscto, Lowes, or Home Depot? Why isn't the science of the virus that has came from two Dr's in California not being taken serious, they have done the research, they have the numbers. Why did YouTube shut them down?
Yes, I do believe there is a virus out there, what I don't believe is how crippling it is making it's wave in every nook and cranny of our lives. I only have one place to go and that is to God. I trust and believe in Him, that this too shall pass and my faith is stronger than fear. I like Pitbull's new song, "Believe"
FEAR- Forget everything and run or Face everything and RISE! I choose the later!
